the hip city

METROPOLITAN

The hip city has quite a buzz about it. It is the place where people want to live - or at least like the idea that they live there. They may not participate in all the aspects of the hip city that make it hip - yet they pleasure in reciting facts of its hipness to others - living in blandness yet fainting grittiness. All of the hip cities bonds get passed to subsidise progressiveness. This ever increasing tax burden makes the hip city less habitual (habitable) for those poor folks that provide all the grittiness. Before one knows it, with all the smart growth, the loft apartments, the light rail and all - the hip city has outstripped its hipness. It becomes a mecca for wanta-be hipsters, all authentics have long departed with the restraints on growth and affordability. This takes quite a while to accomplish and all the city ratings are too high at the peak of the moment, that the silent coup is long past when the music stops.

intelligent design schools

EVOLUTION

Fearing Darwin the administrators hunker down clinging to their faith, but their god is good and will not abandon them. No one, after all, wants to leave a child behind with the rapture fast approaching - the second coming (Hilary?) This impending NCLB Armageddon will separate the sheep from the goats and the administrators are taking some heat, being the scape goats. Natural selection would dictate that parents could choose where to send their kids to school - and schools that couldn't attract any schoolmates would die off and the species would be more fit. This genetic algorithm's form of artificial intelligence - recombination, crossover, mutation and evaluation of fitness - is clearly blasphemous to the keepers of the faith. Only the school administration et al has a direct relationship to their god. Sex/reproduction has to be kept out of the schools - the species can survive with a little more prayer for insight from the intelligent designer (storks delivering wisdom). The proles need guidance from their shepherds, and shackled down, not to wonder to the school of their benighted choosing. These school children are needed nutrients (state funding) for the maggot infestion that is failing unfit schools.

algore tripple threat

AL GORE

We've always know Algore to be an eloquent rapper - the presidential debates featured some hard core dubs with the whole lockbox loop. He won the popular vote for American President by a half million (1/2%) in 2000 loosing Florida by a mere 500 votes (also 1/2%). So we know his rap sheet: 5-4 in the supreme court - just one vote short. We know Algore can act as evidenced by his Oscar win for Best Fictional Documentary. He really took it to the house and raised his game to the next level, inconveniently out truthing even ideological friend Micheal Moore. So how does a green hipster follow up that act? Its called the Algore dance aka Nobel Peace Prize. The legitimate triple threat is in a zone now turning out new hits and heating up the global beat-up-America agenda. He joins other luminary Peace Prize winners such as terrorist Yasser Arafat, club of dictators secretary Kofi Anaan, poverty enthusiast Jimmy Carter, and rogue state appeaser Mohamed El Baradei. We should all band together now and help the doomsday prophet (profit) win the civilian space flight X-prize, by sending him in a capsule to the source of solar energy. As Algore would say: "It's not a political imperative, but rather a moral imperative."

keep the amt

TAXATION

The fair tax has been getting a fair hearing as of late, at least within the GOP. Like most things, in theory it is all pristine - on the surface the premise appears good, but beyond the facade lies hidden dangers. The proposal: Repeal the 16th amendment, abolish the IRS, add a VAT or national sales tax of 30% on all goods and services. Simple enough, taxing consumption rather than income would be more benign to economic prosperity, but such a procedure would have to go through the U.S. Congress where the chances of passage unmolested are nil. Does any one really believe that 30% would be levied on all things? How would the tax code not become more complex with near certain additional exemptions and allowances. The outcry would be too great for most politicians to ignore, of the supposed negative effects on the poor - and before you knew it, it would mirror our present day progressive system. A better remedy would be to not abolish the alternative minimum tax in our present day income tax code - but rather use it as a backdoor way to achieve a defacto flat income tax. However the debate shapes out, one thing is certain that NYT propagandist Paul Krugman will so distort the issue that reason and logic will go on permanent sabbatical.

mccarthy cures autism

DISABILITY

Good news folks. Former playmate and MTV Singled Out host Jenny McCarthy has discovered the cure for Autism. All it takes is a detoxifying diet and some magic crystals and wammo: the magical cure. Of course the immunization/mercury link has long ben dispelled by serious researchers - but with autism rates multiplying ad infinitum the weekly newsines are getting restless. (My own hypothesis would be the silicon implants breast feeding angle - the silicon that is, being an indicator of a mother believing in whatever wiccan methodology is emanating from the popular occult of the era). Well the autism explosion has a lot to do with Rainman - no one wants an ordinary "retarded" child, when you can, with a little affluence and money, get a premium diagnosis as Autistic. Everyone assumes that means the savant variety - high math, memory and or music skills. Why is there a popular rejection of the continuum of human life? Some people are born with God given talents and others are lacking but that does not make anyone less human. Doctors often advise mothers of prenatal detected down syndrome that most mothers choose to abort - that to add comfort to a borderline defined genocidal action. The real traits that humans should judge others on are sincerity, integrity, and love, not physical nor cognitive disability. Rather than frantically searching for cures, it would be better to work on acceptance and reasonable accommodations.

belt drive

FASHION

Rosanne apparently free from having any type of career going at the time (singing the national anthem was definitely not an option), decided to donate time at the local charity. They were in the middle of a canned food drive and asked her to head the committee assigned for the winter clothing drive. This was prep work - right up her alley. She called the first committee meeting to order with the banging gavel struck three times. The last time was really loud and every one stood at a standstill. She blurted out "Everyone take your seats now c'mon!" Everyone discontinued their meaningless banter with their peers about the weather and who was doing what and they all promptly sat down. Rosanne announced that if anyone wanted to hear the minutes of the last meeting to speak up - but she kept rambling on about the business of the committee and no-one was given a chance to hear the minutes. She moved and seconded her own motion to scrap the winter clothing drive - seems how Santa Monica was not all that cold in the winter - she deemed the poor folk would have to make do with their summer clothes. She then proceeded onto the next topic of business: that being the drooping pants, boxers/thong showing issue. "Well," she declared, "I slapped DJ across the living room when he tried to leave the house looking like that." So she moved and seconded her own motion, that for fall, that they - the prestigious committee that is - would round up belts in a massive belt drive - to be dispersed to inner city poor kids and young adults who had a hard time keeping their pants up. Someone mentioned suspenders - but it was not heard among the ensuing ruckus.

third party foul

COERCION

Evidence points to inequality of decision making. Some people routinely make good choices as judged by society while others routinely shoot themselves in the foot. The scientific management model of modern liberals assumes rough genetic equality with observed differences explained mostly by environment. Using a diminishing marginal utility model, they can explain lazy unmotivated peoples behavior. How some people actually accomplish things like having transportation to and from this thing called a job to pay for their food and shelter is explained away as benefiting from past wealth/opportunistic chance. Problems of society are posited as though a solution exists rather than an eternal plague of humanity. Wealth redistribution (theft) is a favored solution of the modern liberal progressives. With a little articulate moral gymnastics they don't see this as stealing nor coercive. Classical liberals on the other hand assume genetic inequality (some are dumb) but have the hubris to know that third parties (even the elite minds) make even stupider decisions than stupid people would have made for their own lives. This is because third parties are often isolated from any negative feedback loops that the individual more directly experiences and use to adjust their behaviour. Human evolution since the dawn of civilization has only been 10 thousand years - only a blink of the eye in evolutionary time. Humans ultimately only have hunter/gatherer brain power. Classical liberals often appear looking foolish by acknowledging societal problems often have no government solution, but modern liberals throw out answers and remove all doubt.

crucify u.s.

PACIFISM

With their freudian religious undertones slipping out while trying to sound secular the pacifists wish for the nations crucifixion. You see the nation has been a sinner of late, actually for most of its existence. The numerous taints on the nations soul include stealing Indian land, slavery, industrialization, segregation, nuclear weapons, Vietnam, cold-war realpolitik, Iraq 1, post cold-war idealism, Iraq 2, global warming, ect, ect.... and all the other problems of the world. Now we need to be put back in our place - to be humbled. We need our hubris checked - our resolve weakened. We need our superior beliefs made inferior. Only when the nation has been crucified - only when barabbas or his modern dictator equivalent is released - only then can we begin the dialog amongst ourselves and other nations - only then can the human planet all join hands in a giant friendship circle - only then can pacifist candle light vigils commence in all time zones across the newborn earth. Our nation state must die to purify our progressive soul.

sports fanatics saved souls

SPORTS LIBERALISM

Troy Smith could not have won the Heisman trophy without Maurice Clarett. They never played on the field in the same year - but came in on the same recruiting class of 2002 at The Ohio State University. Clarett played as a true freshman Autumn of '02 winning the national championship. Then he filed a fraudulent insurance claim summer '03, and was suspended from the team. After only one year in college, he sued the NFL to let him in the draft early, was denied, then drafted a year later but released after pre-season. He committed armed robbery Winter '06 in Columbus (where a few people might recognize him) in the midst of signing to play in Europe. Then, Summer '06, he refused to pull over to police who found he was driving with a bullet proof vest and had three concealed handguns. He then struck a deal to go to prison for 3-1/2 years and a consolidation of charges against him. Somehow college athletics could not save Clarett from the streets, much to the dismay of sports-fanatics. But they were able to capitalize on Smith who also had a tough childhood. Smith was involved in a few campus disturbances and received money from boosters - resulting in missing a bowl game and not starting a critical home game against Texas. But Smith repented and grew up with the help of his head coach - sports writers and Heisman voters went ecstatic. After loosing Clarett to the dark side, the sports-fanatics found redemption in Smith. That is what they believe in after all - the power of sports to change peoples lives for the better. Sports healed the Nation after Sept 11th. Football healed New Orleans, and football is now healing Virginia Tech. Aren't we all happier now?

aclu where are you

HYPOCRISY

Tapping on the floor a secret code is a crime in the Minneapolis Airport bathroom. In an unjust undercover operation an Evil Conservative is swept up - by expressing his constitutionally protected right to speech and sexual privacy. But don't worry, the ACLU will be filing a complaint soon and will be joined by Rossie O'Donnell, Jessie Jackson et al - in a massive march against the multiple recent outing of gay Republicans and Religious Conservatives by frothy mouthed media activists. (Unless the ACLU is a hypocritical organization that is...) 1973 Roe v. Wade is an explicit mandate for sexual/reproductive privacy written plain as day (Sandra Day? in Casey) into the U.S. Constitution - its a universal human right, right? (What, the Supremes making it up as they go along is a bad idea?) Well most people fall somewhere into the contradiction column sometimes but that does not negate truth. Someone advocating for monogamous marriage who has an affair - obviously a hypocrite - that act does not negate the belief that monogamy is better for society than promiscuity. Algore living in a big house with huge electric bills and John Edwards hedge fund advisory don't discount their commitments to global warming and poverty respectively. The difference between modern liberals and conservatives when it comes to hypocrisy is that conservatives bring ruin to their life when they don't practice what they preach. Modern liberals actually enrich their lives and make the world a better place when they deviate from their anti-consumerist / egalitarian Marxist dogmatism.

UPDATE: I heard the ACLU is taking up the case. Their take: Solicitation in public is OK as long as act takes place in private.

disregard higher standards of living

WALMART

Well, you all know what Walmart represents? The absolute conquest of America to make this nation a factory town. First it was a department store destroying the mom and pop shops that are so vital to society. Then they branched out into groceries in Super Walmart incarnation, adding fuel and car service centers along the way. Look at the front of the store now (for you good spirited boycotters, I'll fill you in from my latest spy mission). They have little shops to get your hair done, eyeglasses, a place to get your prescription drugs, usually a McDonalds, sometimes a second party bank. They are planning on expanding into banking and opening their own health clinics. And then look around at who they prey on (for those of you who have never been outside the organic/boutique high end market, I'll fill you in) Their stores are teaming with poor people and people of color! And their employees too. Good thing minimum wage is going up, that way all the small shops that already have high wages and excellent benefits will be able to compete with non-union Walmart. Remember after Katrina when they rushed in to set up little makeshift supply depots trying to out-do FEMA. This was Sam Waltons plan: to offer low prices and reasonable service to lure the dimwitted (sorry, I meant people of less opportunity and systemic discrimination) in and have them go there for everything. Now its up to the intellectual elites of the nation to come together and suppress this Walmartation of the U.S. With their reputation for keeping costs down in higher education and government regulation of health care, who would not trust them?

non blood nation

MULTI-CULTURALISM

Given that we are more pluralistic than Europe, what attributes distinguish us from Europe and need to be emphasized for one cultural National identity? Of course the multi-culturalists with their segregated - hyphenated - vision for the American Nation will resent any effort by immigrants to assimilate. Best to keep them segregated to their foreign ways and pigeon-holed into minority voting blocks. African-Americans, Mexican-Americans, and Native-Americans are seen as victims in need of reparations and redistribution of wealth. By keeping the multi-culturalist apartheid, their full integration will be diverted - always being in need of a powerful coercive taxing government to stick-it-to the 'man'. Privileged white non-Hispanics should feel an endless hapless guilt for their success - economic growth in general needs to be stunted to help the less fortunate catch up. Never mind the fact that in Europe, Nation is defined by blood, immigrant integration is a failure. Never mind that the U.S. is the most ethnically diverse/pluralistic industrialized Nation on earth because we define the American Nation, not by blood but by the ideals of individual liberty, free enterprise and limited government. Never mind that U.S. culture is the dominant culture of the world precisely because we accept all cultures into the melting pot and re-export the slag - human prosperity - the very thing multi-culturalists despise the most. All liberty minded inhabitants of the earth are eligible to join the American Nation and should refuse to be hyphenated.