evil coke

GLOBAL WARMING

Barney opened his bottle of coke and heard the fizz, but it was too late. The deputy sheriff could not believe what he had just done - warmed the globe. Yeah that was a carbon emission, but he knew what he had to do next - revealing his inner passions. "Andy! Andy! we've got to put a stop to capitalism!" Barney exclaimed having had always considered himself a sort of watermelon (green on the outside, red on the inside) "Now why would you want to do a stupid thing like that?" Andy replied. Barney proceeded on his rant that he had been practicing and rehearsing inspired by late night celebrity talk show guests. Big business is out to destroy the earth via fast food, discount retail chains and fossil fuels. A secret capitalist/jewish cabal controls all levels of government and they are hell bent on not letting the truth come out. The only thing preventing a massive populist uprising is the disenfranchisement of the downtrodden by theo-con politicians, using religiously based wedge issues, threatening the eternal fires of hell to all who don't obey their commandments. Barney than ran out of the police station to save the world from itself only to come peeling back in seconds later. He could hardly get the words out of his mouth he was nearly hyperventilating "Where's my bullet? I don't think people can be persuaded peacefully..."